My first Fashion’s Night Out was pretty memorable, and based on my experience, I’m here to give you a tutorial on how to survive this glamorous evening.
If you’re going to show your face on the streets of Soho on the one night where fashion so graciously opens its doors to us mere mortals, you better turn it out. To a girl originally from the sticks of Pennsylvania, who most recently surfaced from the surf of Southern California’s coast, this meant New Yorking up a bit. In order to fit in on Fashion’s Night Out as a woman, you’ll need to complete The Look.
First and foremost, you’ll need a killer little black dress. Not the LBD you’d wear to a club in LA- the one that gives the “producer” lurking at the bar an impromptu audition for his next film every time you uncross and recross your legs. With this dress on FNO, think more along the lines of your great aunt’s funeral mixed with something Lady Gaga might wear to the VMAs. If you find this balance hard to strike, or if you’re a vegetarian, stick with a designer whose store you might be visiting that night.
Next, you need some bright red lips. The color will liven up your otherwise morbid ensemble, and create a statement. The statement being: I have a mouth… and it’s red…despite my otherwise very un-model-esque face. Since you’ll be looking so sexy on this occasion, the lipstick will also deter your many male admirers from spontaneously making out with you. Just the thought of the clown-mouth aftermath that accompanies an encounter with your red smackers will hopefully keep the hoards of clambering dudes at bay and on their best behavior. You haven’t time for such shenanigans. There is free champagne to drink.
Lastly, you need to master The Face. The Face is the most important part of The Look. To practice, you’ll need some expired milk and a mirror. While looking into the mirror, slowly raise the milk carton to your nose. Memorize the way the muscles in your face feel when whiffing the bad dairy, and replicate once you are in a mob of fashionistas.
After I personally felt I had completed The Look to the best of my ability, I got in the elevator to begin the 18-floor descent from my apartment to the street. Around floor 12, an elderly woman boarded the elevator with her equally ancient bichon. She gave me a once over and declared me “stunning”. Despite the fact that this appearance-based complement came from a senile woman wearing a floral muumuu and bunny slippers while toting a pink-skinned dog with cataracts, I felt stunning. I felt empowered. I felt ready for battle…I mean FNO.
I also suggest having a kickass itinerary for the night. Just like with The Look (grandma-approved), I had this detail covered as well. I had the privilege of meeting Outasight and seeing him perform at French Connection. As he sang the anthem to my 23rd year, “Now or Never”, I suddenly felt just fine among the who’s who in fashion...LBD or not. FNO was just another example of making my own luck in my own way in the unpredictable string of events I’ve created as my life. And you know what? I don’t care what the people say and I don’t care what they wanna do and I don’t care about them anymore because I do what I want.
So go ahead - venture out on the most intimidating evening of the year with confidence. Whatever that evening may be for you in your life. If all else fails, bring a flask and a cheeseburger in your clutch.
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