I’m constantly seeking out answers to life’s questions. -- As soon as you read that sentence you may
be inclined to believe that I’m some sort of scholarly individual – curious in
all the right ways and actively pursuing knowledge to elevate humanity and
better myself…like a swami or a rabbi or some other robe-wearing, deep-thinker.
I do love a robe on a Sunday morning as
much as the next priest, but if I led you to a conclusion that suggests I have any
morally redeemable reasons for my search, I apologize. My pursuit is much less noble. In fact, it’s downright selfish.
I’ve convinced myself that there has to be a justified answer
to every conundrum thrown my way, and I'm determined to find it. However- my methods haven't proven all too results driven. Why am I on a first name basis with ChaCha,
yet she writes back a terse, “I’m not sure” when I ask what the hunky Aussie I’ve
been seeing means exactly when he says he has to cancel our date for personal
reasons? Google isn’t much better at
decoding the psychological tendencies of other friends and family.
For a "what's next??" approach, my horoscope is at times useful; today it says that someone will come into my life looking for an honest opinion and I should express it constructively. I’ve obviously interpreted this to mean a wealthy stock broker with a soft spot for good literature and a swimmer’s body will come into my life and I should express my interested opinion by jumping him…constructively.
For a "what's next??" approach, my horoscope is at times useful; today it says that someone will come into my life looking for an honest opinion and I should express it constructively. I’ve obviously interpreted this to mean a wealthy stock broker with a soft spot for good literature and a swimmer’s body will come into my life and I should express my interested opinion by jumping him…constructively.
In times of real
turmoil I’ve even turned to tea leaves. This
requires consuming as few leaves as possible while holding the cup in your
non-dominant hand as you quiet your mind and focus on the question you’d like
clarity on. Since I have self-diagnosed
ADD and a left hand as useful as an amputee’s, I usually bend those rules, cut open the tea bag, and suck
down a grande Starbucks China Green as usual while listening to a Justin Timberlake song
and pondering what shade of black to wear to happy hour – hoping that I see an
angel or a duck at the bottom of my cup before I give up trying to find “blob”
in the tea readers’ dictionary.
My HopStop app tells me where to go, why can’t there be a similar
invention that unveils the areas of my life that get me just as lost as the subways do? I even refuse to believe that the saying “when
lightning strikes” is only used metaphorically, and I wouldn’t put it past
myself in a moment of desperation to stand outside in an electrical storm with
a rod. I believe in signs, I believe in
vibes, I’ve apparently been frying under the California sun for 4 years too
many. Some may find my need-to-know attitude
somewhat desperate…but ya know, sometimes you’re just too hurt or too busy or
too ashamed to figure things out on your own, and you need a smack from the universe…or
a search engine…to hit you with the facts.
