Maybe it was because I had a brownie for dinner, or because I chose "Random Hill" on level 2,000 and was sweating so profusely that my clothes were a good three shades darker than when I arrived; but as I was on the elliptical tonight I couldn't help but think about what a strange concept this whole gym idea is. It is absolutely without a doubt the most unnatural invention of our time. Jello looks like an indigenous crop compared to a gym. Back in the day people got exercise because it was key to survival. The caveman ran after rabbits, ran away from mountain lions, squatted to pick berries and pushed heavy things out of his way... I don't know much about my caveman heritage, actually but I know for damn certain my great great great great great [. . .] great great great [ . . . ] great great grandfather did not mount a metal contraption with blinking lights to get his quads in shape. It goes against our very human nature to go to a big INDOOR room to pick up and put down man made materials specifically suited to aggrandize our muscles. With this being said, I began my usual cardio people watching session and realized that as far away from our grunting forefathers we seem to have gotten, are we really that different? The gym might actually take us all back to our primal instincts.
At the gym you will see women gym-goers in full make-up, painted on yoga pants, a skin tight tank top, and neon, clean, hardly-worn running shoes. I like to call them peacocks. Today I watched a girl with fake eyelashes parade in front of a captive audience of guys, bend at the waist for a 3 pound weight, stand up and walk off to a group of identically dressed girls who were casually drinking water and using the ab machine as their own personal scratching post. I briefly wondered if they knew it had an actual use, but scolded myself as pointing this out would disrupt the flow of this ecosystem. The Peacock is constantly looking for the right moment to sashay by a beefy man with convincing, albeit fraudulent need for a certain machine; or to bump into him oh so casually on the way to the water fountain. You'll see said beefy men grunting and throwing weights and yelling things like "ONE MORE" at each other; their anger always such a mystery to me until today. It's not anger...it's innate man. You'll see him venerating himself in the mirror with that 10th bicep curl, or wiping sweat from his brow as he grabs a drink from the water fountain and tries to play it cool when what’s her face with the lipstick approaches.
Lust, unintelligible yelling, raw emotion, ego, sweat. What’s more primal than that? Maybe I had it wrong all along. This IS natural. It’s new, yes; but nothing can ever really separate us from the cave man and woman inside us all.
