livin life in the splash zone

Anyone who knows me fairly well, knows to avoid human contact with me before 10 AM. Even 10 is pushing it-if you really want to play it safe, I'd wait it out until 11, or until I have caffeine in my system. So you can imagine that an 8 AM class every Tuesday and Thursday is a terror for me.

This morning I hit the snooze on my alarm 4 times before I even realized it was daylight. My first thoughts are that I hate my life, my bed is comfy, and should I skip class. When 7:30 rolls around I jump into panic mode which literally translates to a zombie walk to the bathroom. This particular morning I find Shelby jovially straightening her hair at the sink. Now, the sequence of events that follow are fuzzy. My memory recalls something like this:
"Shelby, darling! How are you this beautiful morning? You look radiant!"
"Aw, Skells, you are a gem!"
"Would you mind terribly if I scooted in as my class commences in 20 minutes?"
"please do!"
"Oh, lovely!"
But, I am quite positive that if we were to interview Shelby on the exchange, it would go more like this:
"Morning, Skells!"
"Pee. Now. Class. Go."
*Door slam in her face*

Back in my room I put on the clothes the self from last night layed out. This is a new trick of mine. If left to my own vices, I will walk out the door pantless with one shoe on, only to awaken at 10:30 sitting in my second class blushing deeply at my state of dress...or undress.
I swear that my 8 AM classmates must wonder how I got into college. Of course this class is all group work, and I struggle to piece together any thoughts that could be recognized as coherant let alone pertaining to a particular topic. My mind skips in monosyllabic words...food, dog, bed, shoe, why, am, i, here. I try to let my mind roam to new places...but it just stands there. As I'm coercing it to venture out into the world, I catch myself drooling. Great. How is that chick sitting across from me wearing real clothes? Why are her eyes open? What God foresaken hour did she get up to do her make up? I wipe the drool off as she shoots me a weird look. I have an urge to stand up, march to the front of the room, ask my professor to stop talking for a second and announce that I'm usually much more pulled together and drooling isn't a regular act for me...well, after 10 AM that is. DON'T JUDGE ME, GIRL WHO LOOKS PRESENTABLE!!!! I'm at a crossroads to either keep up appearances as a functioning 20 year old, or continue my discussion with my brain hoping for a multiple syllable word (food, dog, bed, shoe...why, am, I, WEARING, this--yessss success! 2 syllables!) While I reason with myself, I realize that I've missed the entire class. At least I'm still awake? But crap, I'm not wearing a bra. I'm positive no one noticed, though. Good thing I didn't jump in front of the class to plead my case, the lack of bra could have made that embarrassing.

So if you happen to catch me in the morning, take no offense if I yell at you in broken English, point at you with body parts other than my fingers, or drool on you. Maybe I should post a placard for your benefit..."before 10 AM this is a splash zone".