I married Joe...ish

Last night I dreamt I married my friend Joe*. Joe's a good guy.  Joe's a dependable sort who cracks one-liners that dangerously border dad-joke territory in the most attractive way.  Suddenly the prospect of yelling at the Volvo's recalculating GPS on the way to Sea World with this man and your 3 whiny imaginary triplets (Quinoa, Mason and Adelaide) in the backseat unconsciously nudges your ovaries toward him like some sort of 21st century mating call.  He's worked at all the hot start-up-turned-mega-cool-tech-grassroots-grass-fed-free-range-chicken-skinny-jeans companies, but you're not sure exactly what he does. His job has something to do with Excel?  There might be emails involved?  All that matters is that he wears glasses while he does it.  He lives perched on a San Francisco hill, and you call him to announce that you're flying in from New York the next day and that you'll be staying with him for an unidentified amount of time.  He asks no questions and platonically splits his bed with you for what turns out to be only one night before you run off to San Jose with the dude in the band that you think might be The One.  He wasn't The One.  Pending one police report and this realization, you hole yourself up on a diet of cream cheese, Keith Urban's greatest heartbreak hits, and Bravo ...and as you spiral into the 5th stage of grief: text-shaming your recent ex - Joe's existence inspires your mother to plaintively beg, "Why aren't you with someone like JOE??" 

So it was only natural that last night my dream featured Joe as my husband.  The UNNATURAL aspect of it all was the picture my subconscious painted of marriage.  I'm going to interpret this dream as the recipe for a lasting relationship...cuz like, we seemed pretty happy and everything - and obviously I have no idea what I'm doing when it comes to the care and cultivation of love.

The key to a successful nuptial as outlined by my dream:

1. There were SO MANY piggyback rides.  Everywhere we went.  There I was. Riding around like baby koala.  We went for a hike with friends.  Piggyback.  We were at the grocery store where I could reach the super high shelves. A bar crawl turned into a bar haul.  It was magical.

2.  We made meatballs.  Self explanatory. 

3.   We hung out with his super amazing parents!  I've never actually met Joe's parents and know nothing about them at all.

4.  I met the Pope.  I'm not Catholic. 

5.  We adopted a caterpillar.  Compact, quiet, requires little to no walking and very affordable vet bills.  

In reality, Joe and I will continue our friendship marked by me texting him every 3 months to tell him various pieces of useless information and dropping in unexpectedly wherever he may currently reside. 

*Name has not been changed. At all. His name is Joe. Hi, Joe!  AND! In real life he is not my spouse and is in fact SINGLE! Ladies, get at it.