to be or not to be

He's beautiful in the way that Greek gods are beautiful. I don't know how his hair stays so damn voluminous without an overabundance of gel, and I marvel at the fact that I will never be able to say "princess" in French the way that this man does, with the P and the R making a sound I can't even begin to place in my brain. I catch him staring at me and I think about how my love handles have grown and how my fading dyed hair must be getting frizzy with the heat in this bar. I don't know how his hand got there, or what I'm saying that amuses him so much, but it's intoxicating. His assertive arrogance has me simultaneously mesmerized and repulsed. From my days of reading Twilight, I get the faint indication that I should run as fast as I possibly can from this gorgeous monster. My moment of hesitation is enough for him to wander, and for me to remember how much I want his hand to stay on my back while we piece together broken sentences in two languages to compose our conversation about nothing. I would talk about nothing with him for as long as humanly possible, because for those moments when we were there, I forgot that my body doesn't feel like it used to and began to think maybe my American accent is indeed sexy. His carefully premeditated movements equate to a well rehearsed choreography routine, and while knowing full well that it is anything but personal, the show of his attempt at impressing me has succeeded and has in fact entertained and fulfilled me.

And then I realize, that it's all a show for me. This worry about my appearance and the prospect of it changing, the capturing of another's attention, the planned words and actions- a show. Yes, this foreign man has me captivated, but eventually the routine has to end, and what will be left is really nothing of any substance. The most I could hope for is to find out the secret to his hair in order to repeat it on myself. As much as I'd like to stay for awhile and play the leading lady in his play, I've got to keep the real world in mind and peace out at intermission.