puppy chow

The world would be a better place if children were more like dogs. Think about it. My dog is dependent on me, yes...but all I have to do is let him out to do his thing and feed him twice a day.

I don't cook, and to be honest with you I don't trust people who do cook. So God forbid I have children some day where cooking is slightly necessary if you don't want to end up with the Pillsbury Dough boy for a son. Can't I just measure out a cup of dry food and place it in a bowl for the little darling? hmmm...cereal sounds like an excellent alternative, but I hear young humans need variety. Dogs and kids on occasion have the cuteness factor in common, but children ruin even that for themselves with their ability to communicate. Ability is actually debatable... but their sheer attempt at communication is enough to drive a stable person into the institution for an extended stay. I can deal with barking...but the wide range of vocal capacity children have, mixed with their lack of inhibition and tact makes them a nightmare. Strike three against kids: puppies can be house trained, but your kid will be pooping in his pants for at least 3 years. Your dog is a middle aged man by age 3, and do you know any middle aged men in diapers? If your answer is yes, my deepest sympathies. There is some kind of human/dog feces separation in my brain...like I have less of a problem cleaning up after something of another species, rather than people poo.

Now I know "they" say that when you have your own child, all of this changes. But you know, I've been a nanny and I've worked at a day care and I can honestly say that no child of mine will be any less annoying than those little brats. I don't care if they have my nose (I pray they don't)...or if they have the most adorable tendency to stick olives on their fingers before eating them. Of course I will have children SOME DAY...but all I'm saying is that it would be highly beneficial if they were a little more canine-esque.