the assembly line

We are being pulled in a thousand different directions with huge and minute decisions to make everyday. What do I eat for breakfast? Do I have time to go to the gym? What am I going to do with the rest of my life? Is this person right for me? Do these jeans make my butt look big?

I've been getting so lost in the noise of it all. The questions are coming at me too fast...like those assembly lines in comedies where the protagonist always ends up stuffing the product down his shirt or eating them. I am drowning in a sea of questions because I can't always answer them, and we are taught that you must answer all questions. Hell, on the SAT leaving an answer blank subtracts extra points. We MUST find a place to stuff all this crap coming down the conveyor belt and fast! And why? Because we have to keep up. We have to look good. We have to appease everyone around us....boyfriends, teachers, parents, friends. But what has happened to ME? Where am I in this mess? I mean, it IS my life. So easily I forget that I own one of those...a life...hmmm wow. So enough of the making everyone else happy all the time. I want to take these questions one at a time, and not answer the ones I'm not ready to answer. This life would be nothing without the boyfriends, teachers, parents, and friends...but sometimes this life is overwhelming because of them.

Someone once told me I was strong, and at the time that felt fraudulent. So I'm working on making that true, and unfortunately it has started with some drastic changes in areas of my life I've counted on and BEEN counted on. But it's time to change and answer my questions according to me, and I hope you understand.