I just found myself subconsciously mulling over an extensive list of fears, and as I mulled, the list seemed to grow in length. My last 5 weeks at home have been nothing if not boring. When I say boring, though, I mean that in the best possible way. I got to expand my mind on topics of my choice instead of topics listed on a syllabus chosen by a professor out to kill my GPA. I lounged around with the occasional retail or house work, and caught up with old friends. So you can imagine my shock when I began packing today to go back to a world of constant motion. Now, I would be lying if I said I wasn't "SO FRICKIN EXCITED" to see all my friends and lead my comparatively fast paced lifestyle at school. HOWEVER there still lingers this list of fears that may not make entire sense to you (but then they wouldn't be irrational and my name would not be Caitlin Skelly), but goes something like this...
1. It's supposed to rain for a whole week on my return. - ok let's discuss all the aspects that are wrong with that sentence. Firstly, I signed up for Southern California NOT Seattle (no offense, i hear the people are JOVIAL). Secondly, I do not have room in my already 49.5 lb bag to bring rain boots. My shoe wear will be extremely limited, and this bothers me.
2. See above about 49.5 lb bag. - Let's hope to the big man upstairs that the airport's scale is within .5 lbs of my 10 year old bathroom scale, mmk?
3. The first day of school. - No matter my age, on the first day of class, I feel like a first grader. I'm nervous and squirmy and feel like crying for my mommy. I have already envisioned myself walking from class to class...like I might get lost on the expansive Cal Lutheran campus where I know no one. Should I buy some Elmer's Glue? Maybe a pencil box? nah. I'll stick with an assortment of cap-erasers, Lisa Frank folders, and a trapper-keeper and call it a day.
4. Greeting friends again. - okay, it's been 5 weeks, not 5 decades...but it might as well have been. Getting back into that flow of living again is always interesting. Not to mention my apprehensions that may have more to do with my sometimes untimely low self esteem than anything else...but that's another story...for another person...
5. The sheer excitement disguised as apprehension of not knowing. - Every new semester is a fresh start at the game. We've had halftime, now we're running back on the field. You never know if you're going to score (no sexual reference intended) or get nailed in the face by an elbow and end up with a black eye for a week or worse. Ya get back out there and give it everything you have despite the dangers. Every semester has brought detrimentally terrible events, but has also brought some of the most memorable times of my life. The not knowing which will strike when, gives me a swirling feeling in my stomach. But with a little help from my friends, I think I'm ready.
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