So it's 12:15 AM, all my roommates are cozy in their beds sleeping and I am sitting here trying to write an outline for my French research paper...in French no less. I have a total of five other windows up on my computer and I cannot for two seconds stay entirely focused. I can't stop thinking about what I'm actually going to do with my life. I spent the day today taking pictures of a girl for her portfolio, and it was exhilarating and exciting and the best kind of stressful. I've adored photography for quite some time now...when you use film and get to see your image burned onto a tiny negative and then you get to create it all over again onto paper, changing the light and making it into the piece of art you envisioned. It's the world through my eyes for everyone else to understand. I'd always focused mainly on objects and landscapes and expressive shots, and although I still love to find those angles and see things in a new way, I have a new found love for taking portraits. I don't have to think about it, I just see the picture happening and I can feel when the angle is right and how the light is hitting their face and it just comes together. So i got to thinking, why don't I just do this for the rest of my life? Why waste my time being anything other than deliriously happy? The answer is simple. I'm scared. Fashion photography isn't exactly the easiest field to break into and let's face it: I'm not formally trained and don't know the first thing about that kind of composition-I'm just going off my instincts.
I can envision myself at my dream job, but I can't be that daring person to take a step off my well paved path and venture into uncharted territories. I really wish I could. I've secretly envied the people who chose alternate routes to traditional college...to me, those are the people who are living life for themselves and breaking the structured life society has mandated. My heart wants to travel, learn through experience, take pictures, love openly...so my brain reels it back in to "reality". Maybe it's time to change my reality.
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