If I could have anything, it wouldn’t be your love. Love slips and slides and shape shifts too easily. It’s never easy to grasp and because of this uncertainty it carries, often we’re hesitant to call anything by its name. Our fears step in to disguise it as other emotions- less strong, less binding ones. But I don’t need you to decide you love me. I don’t need that confusing, abstract description of your sentiments. No.
If I could have anything, I’d want you to miss me. I want your heart to sink into your stomach at the thought of the time stretching before we’re reunited. I want your body to ache at the physical distance. I want you to see something that reminds you of me in my absence and smile. I want everything to remind you of me in my absence. I want to move you; and love alone can’t.
Love is just an explanation,“I’m drawn to you”, “we have a connection”, “I find you fascinating”. But these moments that make up missing someone are concrete – their eyes running through your head, an insignificant memory spurred spontaneously, a rush of emptiness in your empty bed. You can deny to yourself that you’re drawn to me, that you feel a connection, that you find me fascinating; but you can’t deny the physical heartache of missing me.
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