Pickles

Today I enjoyed lunch at the caf. When I got my sandwhich, I noticed they gave me TWO pickles! I was so delighted that I started eating one of them before I even sat down, but after a bite I got really self conscious about possibly being known as the over-eager pickle chick and saved the rest for after my butt hit the chair. As I was eating, though, I noticed there were pickles already ON the sandwhich in addition to the two free standing ones I was given. I don't know if you're as bad at math as I am, but that's a lot of pickles for one sitting. I have this thing about pickles on sandwhiches so I took them off and ate them individually. Pickles are fantastic and I'm a huge fan, but they're so overpowering to the rest of the flavor of the sandwhich that they're best enjoyed separately. After my systematic pickle eating lunch, I went to place my plate with the rest of the dirty dishes, but I realized that I had left one of my whole pickles sitting on the plate as trash! I had eaten so many pickles, though, that I couldn't bear another, as much as I do love them. I saw the woman taking the plates from behind the wall and was struck with panic. She's going to think that I wasted my pickle!!!!!!!!!! She's going to shake her and head and sigh and say, "another good pickle lost to a wasteful student." Little does she know that I did my best, and was given TWO pickles in addition to a sandwhich bursting at the buns with them! I went to bat for my pickles. I debated grabbing my plate back and throwing the pickle in the nearest garbage can, but decided that would probably make me look even more guilty, as she definitely saw the lone pickle on my plate already. Because I didn't want to look like I was covering up, I thought about being totally honest and up front and telling her about the double pickle incident.
"...so therefore I already did eat a whole slice, and with the 7 pieces on the sandwhich calculated in, probably a whole other slice over the duration of this lunch. Given my BMI divided by my weight multiplied by my height and added to my stomach acidity, I actually exceeded my Personal Pickle Portion for the day...you know, the good ol PPP."
I even thought that maybe I could throw in a song by that VeggieTales character that looks like a pickle as a tribute to show my devotion...until I remembered that his name is Larry and he's a cucumber...yet to be pickled.
But as I stood staring at the lonely, green vegetable deciding what to do, it was whisked away and I had no time to react. Moral: find a good home for your uneaten pickles.